A HUGE Hello to all my “Sidewalk Thoughts” fans who are anxiously waiting for my book sequel…..”My Thoughts Are Now In The Gutter/”
Well it doesn’t seem a second book is in the making. Although it should be, since I am still after 5 years fighting all the same battles. I’ll make a list. I like list.
1) I am now a full 55 years old. [Double nickels as a classmate called it.] Actually being 55 isn’t worth 2 cents. I use the term “full” because it plays a huge roll in being 55. first of all, parts all over my body are filling up…..they are getting full. What they are filling up with I shudder to think about. It can’t be water because why would water gather in my butt checks? Besides, if it was water I should be my own inner tube by now. I should be able to sit ontop of the water and float on my own butt. Not happening. I must deduce then that these areas are filling up with cellulose. Or, wait, do I mean cellulite? No, I think I mean cellulose because it is a carbohydrate that is insoluble in ordinary solvents. I eat more than my fair share of carbohydrates and I know for a fact they are not dissolving. They are depositing in various places. I haven’t done a scientific study on this, [Like I would know how to do a scientific study!], but I believe carbohydrates are lazy. They seem to gather in places where they are free to lounge around, thus causing numerous body parts to sag…..like chins and butt checks.
2) My cholesteral reading is still border-line Lipitor perscription. Again, I got the “change-your-diet-and-get more-exercise talk. Last time I got this lecture I decided to take walks and that lead to a walking journal, which lead to the publishing of my book : “Sidewalk Thoughts” “Sidewalk Thoughts” didn’t end up on the New Your Times Bestsellers list, or it never was one of Oprah’s Book of the month selection. Actually it hardly made it out of North Dakota except for the few nice relative I have that live on the West coast. NTL (never-the-less…who in there right mind uses that phrase these days?) the whole having a book ublished experience was awesome! Sure it would have been nice to have made enough money to buy a beach house on some warm ocean. But really, what good would that do me at this point in my life. I can’t possibly tuck all my saggy cellulose into a swimsuit anyway.
3) I need some serious life motivation. It doesn’t take much to de-motivate me. A) It is too cold outside, (that would be any temperature below 62 degrees) B) It is too dark outside, (That would be anytime after I get up from my nap at 3:30) It is too hard to drive anywhere, (that would be because the roads are already icy, snow packed ruts filled with a countless number of oilfield trucks. My Toyota recall car doesn’t stand a chance. And the list could go on and on. It is just too easy for me to be a couch potato. The couch has lots of pillows, warms blankets and it is conveniently very close to the TV set. The only drawback that I can think of, is that the couch eats the remote control a couple times a night. I guess the pieces of hard chocolate that fall from my ice cream bars isn’t satisfying enough. I set my sagging cellulose butt down in one corner of the couch, snuggle under the blankets and cry over every Hallmark Christmas movie. Oh, in case you are curious, No, I do not have a Snuggy because if I want one, I am going to do what my sister-in-law does…..wear my bathrobe backwards!
This then is my motivation. I am going to attempt to write a “Sidewalk Thoughts Blog” The one thing that brought me the most satisfaction with my book “Sidewalk Thoughts” is if someone told me they read the book and it made them laugh out loud. If there is one thing I am quite sure about is that everyone can use more laughter these days. “Sidewalk Thoughts: The Blog” is my attempt to bring a bit of joy and hopefully some laughter to more people. If you enjoyed reading this blog, please tell your friends. Better yet, post it on your Facebook page! A posting on Facebook would get the whole interconnecting internet web-thing going. Besides, for those of you who did read my book, you know the spiders owe me!