The Fright Before Christmas

The Fright Before Christmas

‘Twas the second week in December

I was about losing my mind

Christmas was coming

And I was so far behind

I dreamed of colored lights blinking

As from the eaves of my house they dangled

Instead my Christmas lights were one big ball

That I couldn’t untangle

So, I hammered 4 Candy Canes into the frozen lawn

And called it goof for outside decorations

Of course, I also pounded my thumb and 2 fingers

No, I can’t repeat my exclamations!

I set up my tiny artificial tree

With the lights attached in all the right places

But the branches are bent every which way

So I have all these large empty spaces.

I fill the spaces with beads, bells, and

Way to many ornaments, I confess

The loaded branches hand into each other

It is just one giant Christmas tree mess

Then I make a list of people

I want to buy gifts for

I have absolutely no idea

What to get as I head out the door

The only spot left to park

Is the one furthest from the door

I am nearly frozen to death

Before I even get into the store

With no ideas in mind

I walk up and down aisles

I make not a single purchase

But I have indeed walked miles

When I do decide on a gift

A battle goes on in my mind

Is the right color, the right size

The right brand, the right kind?

Finally I make a decision

And just accept defeat

Thankfully there is such a thing

As a “gift receipt”

Then I gather the gifts, boxes, bows,

Tags and all that stuff

But only wrap half the presents

Since the Christmas paper isn’t enough

Tree paper cuts and on scissor jab later

The wrapping is officially done

Now I gather the ingredients to

Start the Christmas baking fun!

“Fun” wasn’t the right word

When the smoke alarm blared

I was bundled up in my Columbia Coat

While the kitchen got aired.

The Party Mix went well until the butter

Exploded all over the microwave

I was going to try No Fail Fudge

But I just wasn’t that brave

Literally, I threw in the towel

After wiping away a tear

Merry Christmas to all!

I will try again next year

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