I can only hope that my “Bliends” (Blog Friends) had a WAY better start to the New Year then I did. My first day of the year 2011 sucked, literally. I am not even counting the fact that I watched the ball drop in New York on at 10:00 and then watch a “Without a Trace” marathon. All the while I tried NOT to think of any analogies between the title of the series and my social life. Then at precisely 12:34am a commercial came on. I had planned to just watch this one more episode before calling it a year and going to bed. When this really lame commercial came on, the synopsis in my brain began to spark. They in turn triggered the “resolution voices” that were trying to coax me into becoming a much better person in 2011. The voices were relentless.
RV: (Resolution voices): Come on, start the New Year right and get up off of the couch and go throw that load of laundry in the dryer that you washed this morning. You need to resolve not to be such a pathetic procrastinator. Put those clothes in the dryer tonight and they will be ready to fold and put away first thing in the morning.
ME: Shut up.
But the voices won and I went down to the laundry room. To my horror I walked into a huge puddle of water. Within the first ½ hour of the New Year I was standing in a puddle of water in the basement. UGH! I looked around trying to figure out where this water came from. My first thought was the washing machine, but right by the washing machine the floor was perfectly dry. I looked above me and didn’t see any dripping pipes. I looked into the toilet in the bathroom next to the laundry room and thankfully all was clear there. So I grabbed a mop and started sopping up this mysterious puddle. You know I am flighty on the whole resolution thing, but I do put some stock in coincidental cosmic signs. While I am mopping up water, I am wondering what it means if you start off your New Year with a flooded laundry room. Some random phrases that come to my mind were: Noah’s Ark, destruction of the world by water, forty days and forty nights of rain, and 150 days cooped up with 2 of every animal known to man. None of these thoughts are adding up to a very positive forecast for the new year of 2011. So the resolution voices start up again.
RV: Come on, (they always start with the phrase “come on”) this year try to be more optimistic. Find the good in bad situations, made bad experiences a learning experience, be more of a “ cup half-full kind of person.
ME: “Cup half-full” Are you crazy? My laundry room is flooded! Believe me, now is not the time to bring up “cup half-full” crap.
RV: Come on, you are missing the point.
ME: What is the point?
RV: Crap……That is the point.
ME: What could you possibly be talking about?
RV: You are lucky to be mopping up fairly clean, clear water. Sewers have been known to back up spewing out some pretty stinky, sludgy, smelly shit.
I have to admit, that was a good point. So I looked around and noticed that two pieces of extra carpeting I had laying around soaked up most of the water before it got into the cardboard storage boxes and I could flush the upstairs toilet. How’s that for some “cup half-full” crap?
New Year’s Day I got up and went right to Walmart to buy a ShopVac. Can you believe I made it 55 ½ years without one! That has to be some sort of record. Anyway, I had never been ShopVac shopping before. I had several choices. I didn’t want to spend $80.00 on a deluxe model and the $25.00 size was too small for a pessimist. I decided on the mid-size model. I was a little hesitant because there was just one left of that size and the box was dented in a weird way. To me it looked very much like a Christmas gift that had gone wrong. But that could have just been my imagination. I had to take it because it was the only one left and I had some serious sucking up to do. When I got home, there was more evidence that it was a Christmas return item. Mainly it was almost completely put together. Which was actually a good thing, because then I didn’t have to read the instructions. But unbeknownst to me, while I was sucking up water from one of the carpets, the ShopVac was spitting water out the back blow hole as fast as I was taking it in. The water I had successfully sucked up out of the carpet was all lying in a big puddle behind me. On the bright side the cupboards got wiped clean for the first time in several months and I learned the filter ring was for “dry use only.” I also learned that having a ShopVac is a “cup half-full” kind of thing. When it gets about half full, that is a good time to dump it (and preferable not down a clogged sewer drain). Otherwise it will start spewing water out the back again. Besides, compared to the serious suction power of a ShopVac, mopping just sucks.