The Evil Ice Pick

I haven’t posted in awhile, but it isn’t my fault.  When I am up at 6:30am, outside in -17 degree weather, shoveling 4 inches of snow off my driveway, there is not a whole lot to laugh about.  I did laugh when I looked in the mirror and saw the frosty breath that built up under my nose and clung to my scarf.  Of course, I didn’t tuck my hair into my hat either so I had two icicles hanging down either side of my face.  I looked like someone an archeologist would have dug up from the Ice Age.  I FELT like someone that had been dug up from the Ice Age.  I really should not be complaining about winter anymore.  Many parts of the country are struggling with the wrath of winter.  Chicago got hit with 20.2 inches of snow, 13,000 flights across the nation were cancelled and even Texas was under a hard freeze warning.  Lucky for us Al Gore can explain.  I have a feeling the people whose roofs caved in on them could care less about Al Gore’s explanation.   I have to admit that I myself have heard some strange, loud noises from the roof.  I have heard curious cracking noises that sounded a lot like “too-much-snow-on -the-roof” noises.  That is all I would need….my roof on my house to cave in on me.  On the bright side, I probably wouldn’t complain about shoveling the driveway anymore.  I would instead be complaining about shoveling snow out of my kitchen and living room.  If I am so worried I guess I could shovel off the roof.  Somehow I can’t picture myself on the roof with a snow shovel.  OMG, that would be a broken neck just waiting to happen.  We know from the Wii Just Dance experience that I am not exactly Miss Agility.  I tell myself that scoring is random, when in reality it is a rare occasion when my arms and legs are a mirror image of the dancer on the screen.  BTW, my son gave me Just Dance 2 for Christmas.  I am thrilled to have 40 new songs to flap my arms around in time to the music.  I love The Monster Mash because I am able to put my hands straight out in from of me and let my hands hang down.   That is doable for me.  Walk Like an Egyptian is another matter.  I have not been able to quite get that arm pattern perfected, but I am working on it.   One thing I noticed about Just Dance 2 is that they made it a little harder to find the short version of the songs.  I am sure their intent was to get lazy people like me to exercise for more than 2 minutes at a time.  Much to my relief, I clicked around enough that I eventually did find the short version.  I wouldn’t want to take this whole exercising business to the extreme.  Besides I think I would need to check with my doctor if my heart is healthy enough to dance for any amount of time over 2 minutes.  Actually there are lots of activities my heart probably isn’t healthy enough for at this time.  One for sure would be shoveling snow off the roof.  (How is it that I always get back to the topic of shoveling?)  I think I must have some deep psychological issues with shoveling.  I do know that it is not a job I particularly like to be doing. Yet, at the same time I don’t like having the most snow-packed pathetic driveway on the block.  Last week Friday, the temperature got above freezing.  It was a balmy 34 degrees outside.  I think that those 2 warm degrees above freezing teased my brain into thinking spring was on its way.   All of a sudden I got extremely OCD about my driveway.  I had this overwhelming urge to the cement of my driveway again.  I become obsessed with getting rid of those two 6 inch deep show paced treads that I have been driving on the last 4 months.  You know the ones that would need to be removed with a jackhammer.  With ice pick in hand, I proceeded to use my back and shoulders as a jackhammer and I ferociously started scraping away on my driveway.   After about 5 minutes of an all out effort to eliminate all traces of snow packed tire treads from my driveway I was gasping for breath.  My heart was pounding in my chest like it was going to explode, the heavy breathing made me dizzy and the muscles in my neck were throbbing in pain.  I had successfully cleaned of a total of 3 inches of the snow packed path on one side of the driveway.

I forced myself to do 3 inches on the other track just to even things out.  After that the temperature must have dropped 4 degrees and I came to my senses.    Scraping the driveway of snow tracks was a pointless effort.  I went back into the house and id something that made much more sense……I took a nap.  Actually I ended up taking a nap the whole next day.  Every muscle in my back, shoulders and neck ached so badly I couldn’t get off the couch.  Since then I have repeatedly driven in and out of my driveway on 6 inches of new snow.  I hid the ice pick and I am only going to take it out again if those snow packed tire treads aren’t melted by June 1st.

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4 Responses to The Evil Ice Pick

  1. Deb Sheffield says:

    And, once again, I am laughing out loud here in the living room all by myself!!!!! You and I are definitely kindred spirits! Not that I would EVER be caught shoveling the driveway, mind you, OR exercising, but…nevertheless, I always seem to see myself in your stories! :o). Keep them coming, dear friend!

    • mickeyrenner says:

      What an awesome compliment that you see yourself in my posts. It is comforting to know that you think of me as a “kindred spirit.” Thank you for being my dear and wonderful friend.

  2. Jessica says:

    Oh Mickey! I totally agree with you. I hate shoveling. When Rob lived with me, he always shoveled and kept the ice out of the way of the garage door. Now, well I do shovel but I have a good 3+ inches of ice where my garage door usually rests. Thaks for making me laugh, I love you!

  3. mickeyrenner says:

    Jessica, it is always a pleasure to know if I made someone laugh. You know I hate shoveling so much because with 4 brothers, including your dad, I never had to shovel. I am so proud of you. Grandma says you are knocking them dead in the student teaching arena. You go, girl. I love you too!

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