To Read Press “ON”

I have been thinking a lot about why I am so technologically challenged.  I believe that it has something to do with pushing buttons.  In the early 1960’s when I was growing up there just wasn’t that many button to push compared to today’s push-button world.  I am thinking that God, being all knowing, sent out a memo to increase the brain capacity of dedicated to button-pushing.   I didn’t get the memo.  This means I have only a very small cubic mass of brain matter and limited neurons assigned to understanding the process of pushing buttons.  The point I am trying to make is that I GET pushing “a” button.  For example, you want to know if someone is home, push the one doorbell button.  You want to watch TV, push this one on button.  You want to change to Channel 5, just push this one button next to the 5. It is getting into these situations that you have to press a sequence of buttons that I have a hard time processing.  How am I, with my short term memory issues, suppose to remember so many different buttons to push and in a certain order?  My son made a cheat sheet for me so that I could watch a DVD. It takes 4 remote controls to actually watch a DVD movie.  The cheat sheet my son made for me has an intricate drawing of the main remote.  By main remote, I mean the remote that you have to push the most buttons on.  He numbered all the steps for the exact order of button pushing and added guideline arrows to pint out the exact right button to push.   See, my brain is operating under the myth that if I want to watch a DVD, I simply push “a” button.  Instead I have to push the input button 3 times until I get to Component 2.   [As if any of this makes any sense to me.]  At this point I have a picture.  [That is if I remembered to actually put the DVD into the DVD player and press the on button for the DVD player]  To get sound I need the long, skinny surround sound remote.  Once the surround sound system is on, I need to push the “Source” button until I actually get sound that matches the movie.  If I have pushed all the right buttons on all the right remotes all in the right order I can successfully watch a DVD movie.   When the push-button concept came into being I was all for it.  If you wanted to watch TV you pushed the “on” button.  This concept makes sense to me, this concept I can handle.  Then this whole push button concept went way overboard if you ask me.   See this TV, you want to watch it, just push (1)TV (2) ON (3)CABLE (4)ON (5) GUIDE (6)CHANNEL +  (7) CHANNEL – (8) VOLUME +  (9) VOLUME –  (10) MENU (11) GUIDE (12) INFO (13) LAST (14) EXIT.   Do I make my point? BTW, if you accidently push the CABLE button off when switching channels there is a good chance that the TV goes to a static channel set on Volume 100.  It about blasts you out of the room.  It scares the crap out of me every time I do this, which of course, is quite often.  Do you think you can push 1 button to get back to the TV program?  Not a chance.  It takes at least 4 or 5 buttons in the exact order to get back to civilized television.   It isn’t just TV’s.  Think about how many buttons you have to push (and hold down) just to set a digital clock back by one hour.  Can you comprehend how many buttons you have to push and in what order if you want to fall asleep to your favorite “Ocean Sounds” CD and then have the alarm clock wake you up to crickets chirping instead of an “alarm”? I don’t know the answer to this because even though my alarm clock has such capabilities I have never attempted it.  Everything has become a multiple menu of button pushing mania.  We have all been through the labyrinth of number menus on the phone just to retrieve the simplest piece of information.  What really gets me is when I get to a point in the menu when none of the options seem like the one I want.  You can’t just sit there and think about the choices for any length of time because the whole system is based on pushing buttons.  After a 10 second lapse the recorded voice will be asking you to press 7 to hear the options again.  After the second time through I still have no clue which option I should be taking.  At this point I will type in SOL because that is what I am feeling.  Ms. Recorded Voice will then politely say, “I am sorry, that is not a valid option.  Please hang up and try again.   Hang up……yes, try again……definitely not today.

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3 Responses to To Read Press “ON”

  1. You need to get yourself in the right frame of mind which is “NO FEAR” and push away and at one point it will all work. Kids have no fear. Anyway I am amazed at all the scissors I have around me.

    • Mickey Renner says:

      Good point. I do admire kids and there no fear for pushing buttons. However, I do take issue with driving and txting.
      And come on Ken, give it up. How many scissors are you hoarding?

  2. Skylar says:

    I agree with Ken. Push all the buttons! Push every button in the house, and then go back and push some more.

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