The Dating Game

Wait.  Wrong title.  “Game” implies there would be rules.  Dating in the 21st Century has no rules.  Anything and everything goes.  If I thought 21st century gadgets were confusing, they are nothing compared to the complications of today’s dating scene.  I easily could write The Idiot’s Guide to Dating.  First of all, because I am an idiot when it comes to dating and secondly, I believe the entire book would be one word…..”Don’t.”   I know this whole dating debacle is mostly just me.  Thankfully most people don’ have issues with the anything goes attitude.  Me, I would rather have at least a few sociably acceptable guidelines. .   For example, when a woman is asked out for dinner by a man, it would be nice to know what the sociably acceptable correlation is between what is ordered versus what is then owed.  (And I am not talking financially)  Let’s assume the guy asks the gal out to dinner and is going to pick up the tab.  If you want to end the evening with a polite thank you and a quick kiss on the check before you jump out of the car, don’t order mare than a couple of carrot sticks and a glass of water.   If you order any kind of pasta, expect more kissing action involving the tongue.  [However, feel free to try pasta with a heavy garlic sauce and that might delay the open mouth kissing session for one more date]   If you order a steak you may be playing with fire.  It really depends on what your date orders.  If he orders a steak with a bake potato it could mean that he is counting on all the zinc, magnesium and proteins in beef that contribute to muscle strength.   On the other hand, if he orders a steak with onion rings on the side, it could be that he is trying to send the message that he forgot to take a Viagra before he left the house.   If you are really adventurous, go ahead and order steak and lobster, but no desert.  Because girl, you are the desert!

Now what if the guy asks the gal to a movie?   Again, there are subtle social cues that a person needs to be aware of.  If you are attending matinee, it makes a difference if your date offers to buy you a Jumbo Popcorn or Junior Mints.   If the guy buys you a pack of Junior Mints and makes a bee-line for the back row I guess it won’t matter what show you will be attending.   The evening show is a little bit trickier.  Your date may buy you popcorn and still want to sit in the very back row.   This could mean that while you are chomping on buttered popcorn and watching the movie, your date is sleeping.  He is resting up for later…..after the movie.   Obviously, I am not talking about having n intriguing conversation about the plot of the movie since your date slept through it.  No, we a talking about your date’s smooth plan to put the moves on you now that he is all rested up.  After all the evening show costs more than a matinee, plus he bought you refillable popcorn and pop.   Don’t get me wrong.  I know that there are instances when a woman has totally given up on men, then meets Mr. Perfect, falls madly in love and gets married.  On the Hallmark Channel this all happens within an hour and 15 minutes. (when you factor out the endless commercials)   In real life I guess I do believe in “love at first sight.”  The problem is that now days it isn’t the first love at first sight.   Wouldn’t it be a great idea if potential dates came with a RBI Stats?  (Reliable Batting Information)

Information like:  1) Do you walk or run to the bases?

2) have you had to sit out a season because of a STD?

(Standard Training Disease)

3) What are your Home Run statistics?

4) What is your Batting Average?  That is what the measure of a batter’s

performance; the number of base hits divided by the number of official

times at bat;

5) Do you play for more than one team?

I personally think this would be good information to have before the game begins. But it doesn’t really matter to me.  I have been traded for a nun out at the Abbey that doesn’t strike out nearly as many times as I do.

 

 

 

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9 Responses to The Dating Game

  1. Absolutely true and while ultimately applicable in most relationships, romantic ones do take a leading role in this ‘debacle’ as you so eloquently say. There are not set rules for the ‘the dating game’ but your guidelines and preliminary questions do seem to have potential should they be instituted on a world wide basis 😀

  2. Brenda says:

    AWESOME set of questions to ask. Can you get those printed up on business cards to hand out? lol

  3. Kath says:

    Oh man- I knew this was coming! I was waiting for it and I KNEW it would be “perfect”–and it IS! I love how you can say SO much without saying too much. You are spot on with your usual exquisite marriage of cloak and candor.

  4. botut says:

    OMG am I glad to be so far removed from today’s game! Cracking up to the point of urinary dribble. Thanks, I think.

    • mickeyrenner says:

      Thank you for visiting my Blog and leaving a comment. My greatest satisfaction is if someone says that they read my blog and it made them laugh out loud. But “cracking up to the point of urinary dribble” seems an even higher compliment. Thank you for making my day!

  5. Hahaha… vair nice comment Botut.

  6. haha, this post is hilarious!you just saved me from office murder. This is clearly where i have been going wrong my whole life!

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