Reluctantly I went to the doctor yesterday. I have been battling sinus problems and all my life. I even had to miss a half day of work this week because my sinus headache was so bad I could barely lift my head off the pillow. Thanks to all the meth addicts in North Dakota I never think to make a special trip to the drug store to ask for pseudoephedrine which can’t be sold on the shelf. If I could just pick up some Sudafed at Walmart I would be fine. This sinus issue of mine is also causing a lot of pressure in my right ear. I already have a hearing loss due to the numerous ear infections I had as a kid. Half a century ago there wasn’t the option of having tubes put in your ears. I had to suffer through ear infection after ear infection. [Do you feel sorry for me yet? I am going for pity here!] Because of these ear infections I have a hearing loss at a weird level. It isn’t the lowest tones, but a step or two about that. It is in fact the level that most people speak at when they are in the library. So, of course I work in a library. The other day this 20-something guy came up to the desk and asked me something. He was talking exactly at my no-can-hear level. I had to ask him twice to repeat himself. When I finally understood the question I felt really bad. He wanted to know if there was another restroom available. The average person wants to quietly ask for the location of the restroom, not shout out their desperate need to find another bathroom. I can only imagine what names he called me in his head. In fact, he probably was so irritated with me that he peed in the sink just to get even. The hearing loss is definitely a handicap. If I try to do the glass half full attitude, I could look at it that I get to constantly play Mad Gab. However, glass half empty is the reality that I suck at that game. Now that I think about it the last guy that asked me out, asked me at the library. He did say something that I didn’t get. In the conversation he said, “Eye mull of Mush Sheen.”
I guess I thought he was just talking about “Charlie” since the whole world was talking about him at the time. I realize now that he actually was saying, “I am a love machine.” Wished I would have figured that one out before I went out on the date. But let’s get back to my doctor visit. She told me to get some pseudoephedrine and a “netty pot.” I was trying to decipher “netty pot” in my mind when she went on to explain, “It is this little teapot that you use to clean out your sinuses. You put the solution in this pot, pour it in one side of your nose. The solution will go through your sinuses cleaning them out and the water comes out the opposite navel passage.” I must have looked at her with a dumfounded expression on my face because she went on to say, “ You will need to block off your through so that the solution doesn’t run down.”
I continues to stare at her with a blank expression, so she broke down and also gave me a prescription for antibiotics that I could fill on Monday if the “netty pot” thing didn’t work. In my mind I can’t imagine how this thing would work. First of all, in what position does your head have to be to pour water in your nose? Standing on my head comes to mind. Since I doubt that they expect me to stand on my head I suppose I would tilt my head to one sides and start pouring. What, may I ask, is the guarantee that this cleaning solution follows the sinus cavities’?
NONE would be my response. I can think of several places this solution could end up at. I imagine it going down my through, causing me to gag and then shooting out of my mouth. I can imagine myself swallowing all of it and then getting the runs as it cleans out my intestines. I can imagine it all flowing into my ear passages and with staying there or slowly dripping out of my ear for a couple of days. So I ask myself, what color is this solution when it comes back out from cleaning my sinuses. I can picture myself at work, checking books out to a patron when they say to me, “Did you know you have some green stuff dripping out of your ear?” I have not disregarded the fact that for all intense and purposes that when I take on the “netty pot” I actually could conceivably drown myself. If you don’t see another post on my blog, you can assume that I meet with a horrible fate……Death by “netty pot.”