SUNDAY NIGHT POST!! I purposely didn’t post until tonight because I still feel so strongly that it ever a person needs a day brightener it is on a Monday morning. Maybe I am wrong about this or maybe weekend postings work better for most people. I really don’t know. What I do know is that I struggle with Monday mornings. Starting another work week doesn’t fill my mind with pleasant thoughts of sunshine and rainbows. Nope, Monday mornings when the alarm goes off my mind is cloaked in “grouchitude” The first thing I do when I hear the alarm is groan and then hit the snooze button. Wait, “hit” is too soft of a word. I pound the snooze button. Then the battle in my Monday morning mind begins.
MC – My conscience
MC: Get up.
Me: Shut up.
MC: You have to get up and get ready for work
Me: I hit snooze. I have 10 more minutes to sleep. I need those 10 minutes if I am going to be able to function at all today.
9 minutes of silence as I fall back into a deep solid sleep since I wasn’t fully awake in the first place. Then the alarm goes off for the second time and I pound snooze again for the second time.
MC: Get up.
Me: Shut up.
MC: You have to get up for work.
Me: No I don’t. I hit snooze and I now have 10 more minutes to sleep
MC: May I remind you that when you set the alarm last night you only figured in the one-snooze-option and not the two-snooze-option.
Me: Just give me 9 more minutes. After that I will get up totally refreshed and ready to begin the new work week.
MC: You are so full of shit.
7 minutes of silence as I fall back into a sound sleep dreaming of sunshine and rainbows until the alarm blares at me for the 3rd time.
MC: Don’t even think about hitting the snooze or you will be running 20 minutes late. You know if you have to rush around Monday morning playing “Beat the Clock” that only makes you grouchier and gets the entire work week off to a bad start.
Me: Way to curse my whole week with bad karma.
MC: Just giving you the facts.
Me: Ok, Ok, I will get up. But if I die of exhaustion it is on you.
MC: I am you.
Me: Don’t try to confuse me. I am so tired I can hardly thing straight.
MC: Quit the pity party. Get out of bed and get to work like a responsible adult.
Me: I am moving to Never Never Land. I am going to be like Peter Pan and never have to grow up and go to work.
MC: If I remember correctly Peter Pan had a full-time job fighting of pirates.
Me: Ya, but he had fun doing it and the pirates were idiots.
MC: What part of “Fairy Tale” do you not understand? In REAL life, world governments can’t outsmart the pirates unless they are drugged up 17 year old kids that panic.
Me: Ok, point taken.
MC: May I remind you that you are now running 15 minutes late, the pair of panty hose you just put on are the only ones you have and they have a run in them, you need to pluck those two long hairs hanging off your chinny chin chin (speaking of fairy tales), and you didn’t fill the car with gas yesterday so you will have to pray that you don’t run out of gas on the way to work.
Me: To make up time I won’t eat breakfast.
MC: May I remind you of a couple of things. First of all, when you don’t eat breakfast your “grouchitude” increased exponentially. Second you already drank a Diet Coke.
Me: What does drinking a Diet Coke have to do with anything?
MC: Well, the caffeine increases your appetite and the carbonation causes your stomach to growl so loudly it is considered an unacceptable noise level in the library.
Me: You are right. Last week this guy came up to the desk complaining about the noise level in the library and he actually was using a computer with headphones.
MC: So what is your plan for not starting off the new work week by being late for work?
Me: My usual plan. I will blow dry my hair for 2 ½ minutes and call it good.
MC: You are so pathetic. You ALWAYS go to work with messy hair.
Me: Screw you!
MC: Hold it. You are not going to start out the week with such a bad attitude. I suggest that you work on some attitude adjustments before you get to work.
Me: Any suggestions?
MC: Well, on your way to work you could look for patches of green grass among the melting snow drifts. That may give you some nice warm thoughts of spring and lift your spirits.
Me: A whole freaking Japanese Tea Garden in full bloom wouldn’t lift my spirits right now.
MC: Ok, so what is your plan?
Me: I don’t know. But maybe if I am lucky someone will post a funny blog that will make me laugh.
MC: Good luck with that.