Laws Overload

In my Google quest for my pal Murphy I, of course, ran into information overload.  There is speculation that the real Murphy was Captain Edward A Murphy.  He was an engineer at the Edwards Air Force Base working on a special project.  He discovered that something had been wired incorrectly.  Murphy actually blamed the technician by saying. “”If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.”  [Maybe this was also the beginning of our ability to always find someone else to blame]  Eventually, the statement evolved into the law we know today.   Regardless who this Murphy guy really is (or was) he must be a fellow pessimist.   He certainly seems to be the “cup half empty” sort of guy.  Furthermore, if anyone tried to persuade him to see the “cup as half full” he would have snapped back, “Ya right.  I see that cup falling over, and then what do you have….nothing”   Anyway, true to its name the World Wide Web took me on a tangled journey to all kinds of laws. I found laws for technology, cops, teachers, nurses, war, commerce, computers, love and any other topic you can imagine.    My favorite love law is: “Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.”  I am thinking I should take this one to heart.  As I was surfing around, the pessimistic laws were spinning out of control, even for me.  One law I came across said: “The light at the end of the tunnel is a train.”  OUCH!  Even I am not that pessimistic.  I was just going to untangle myself from the endless list of laws when I came across this one:  “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all worlds, the pessimist fears this is so true.” In my opinion this is a law with some substance.  I know that I am afraid of some of the things going on in the world today.  I am afraid that Israel is going to get really pissed off and nuke a country.  I am afraid that the Middle East is going to cut off our oil supply.  I am afraid that my chocolate milk is contaminated with radiation.  I am afraid it is going to rain on the royal wedding.   But closer to home, need I say more than “The National Debt Ceiling?” 14 trillion is a lot of scary zeros if you ask me.  One the “cup half full” side, I guess the Physical Science teachers have a valid answer now when students ask why we need to learn scientific notation.

T(eacher) S(tudents)

T:  Today we are going to learn scientific notation

S: What is that?

T: It is a short-cut way to write large numbers.

S: Can’t we just use our calculator?

T: Most calculators don’t have place values for that many zeros.

S: Whatever

T: For example we write 14 trillion as 1.4 x 10^12 instead of writing out 12 zeros.

S: When will we ever have to know this?

T: Every year on April 15th when you will need to calculate your tax liability to help the Federal Government payoff its debt.

S: What if we don’t make very much money?

T: If you make any money at all some of it will have to go to the government because it has trillions of dollars of debt.

S: That doesn’t seem fair.

T: Well, it is either pay your fair share of the debt or we all learn how to speak Chinese.

My heart goes out to these students.  They will be so bogged down with debt that they will not be able to buy luxury items like fast cars, Harleys, jet skies, tattoos, boob jobs, or elf ears.

Yes, you read correctly…..elf ears.  I heard on the news the other day that this is the newest fad.  Young people pay money to have cosmetic surgery to have their ears altered to look like elf ears. In this surgery they cut to top cartilage of the ear and then push it back together to make the ear pointed.   They said the surgery is painful and infection is  a huge risk.  First of all I am very curious as to how much such a surgery would cost.  I have a hard time with accepting the fact that parents give their daughters a boob job as a graduation present.   I am hanging on to the hope that when kids ask for elf ears for graduation that the parents say. “We gave you two perfectly good ears.  If you want  elf ears, you will have to pay for them yourself.” The big question is why do young people want elf ears.  One answer is that weird colored hair, weird piercings, and weird tattoos have lost their shock value.   I imagine when a kid comes up to their parents and say, “Mom, Dad, I want my ears elfed” that there is some shock.  However there could be a entirely different reason.  Maybe these young people already understand that the national debt has taken away their American dream.  Their logic is that if they get elf ears, they will become elves.  We all know elves don’t have to get real jobs.   Elves magically make cookies all day, they don’t pay taxes and they live happily ever after.

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