Life is a Trip

I was watching a documentary on the film industry because I have seen every episode of Law & Order: CI 17 times.  According to this program a director can repeat a funny action three times.  The fourth time it is overkill and it won’t get any more laughs. f Hey, maybe that is why there were three stooges f The way I figure it is that I have one more broken foot blog to write.  Disregard the fact that I am on my 10th week of any combination of boots, casts and crutches.  Also, ignore the fact that this whole broken foot thing was never funny.  A person would think that I would have come up with any number of hilarious stories for when everyone asked how I actually broke my foot.  I really wonder if any one of the other 7 billion people living on this planet actually broke their foot by tripping on an alarm clock.  Doubtful.  The first week of having a broken foot was a total bust.  It took me one trip up the stairs into my house to realize that crutches and stairs weren’t a good combination for me.  Besides isn’t a walking boot made for walking (I guess I am asking Nancy Sinatra) There was also the fact that this boot weighed like 50 pounds, or it felt like it.  If I had buns of steel maybe I could have kept my foot up behind me for a good portion of my walking time.  However my buns are more like dough.  No matter how hard I tried the heavy boot hit the ground first with every step I took.  By the weekend I ditched my crutches completely and even went to a wedding in Medora.  To my credit I didn’t dance at the wedding.  My follow up appointment was with a bone specialist.  As he was studying my x-rays he asked if I was keeping my weight off of the broken 5th metatarsal. (Obviously this is why he makes the big bucks)  I was truthful and said that no I was walking with my walking boot.  He then went into this long explanation involving tendons, ligaments, pulling on pieces of broken bone and the possibility of surgery.  Now he had my attention.  He must have seen the panicked expression on my face because he brought it down a couple of notches and laid out a plan.  The plan was that he would put my foot into a cast for six weeks and see if the bone would heal into place.  If it did he wouldn’t have to do surgery.  The catch was that I could put NO WEIGHT AT ALL on my broken foot for the next four weeks.  He asked if I really understood that NO WEIGHT on the broken foot meant I would be using my right leg and the crutches to be getting around.  I did admit I wasn’t doing so well with the crutches so he wrote me a prescription for crutch school.  Now that I did think was funny.  I thought any idiot should be able to figure out crutches.  Keep in mind this thought is coming from the same idiot that broke her foot by tripping on an alarm clock in the first place.  I did attempt crutches on my own for a couple of days.  After tripping up my stairs, tripping down the neighbor’s stairs and falling onto my 80 year old mother when I tripped up her stairs, my dad put his foot down.  I was to go to crutch school the very next day even if my dad had to hogtie me and drag me there himself.   So I went to crutch school.  My instructor came out to the waiting room to get me.  He watched me stumble and trip all the way back to his office.  I was so impressed that he didn’t burst into fits of laughter. (Well, maybe after I left, but he had the resolve not to dissolve into tears of laughter in my presence.) In his office he helped me sit down into a chair without falling and breaking my other foot.  Then he took my crutches from me and studied them for a while.  He was shocked that the crutches were both set at the right height.  The lopsided way I walked back to his office he was positive they were each set a t a different height.  Needless to say, he went to great lengths to teach me how to walk properly with crutches and my right leg to keep ALL WIGHT off of my left broken foot.  The stairs were tricky and he fastened me to himself with a very large safety belt. I made my way up and down the stairs a couple of time without falling and dragging him down with me.  He was reluctant to take the safety belt off but my time was up.  I felt like a baby bird being thrown out of its nest.  And in truth in never did learn to “fly” with crutches.  For the next 5 weeks I did everything in my power to put NO WEIGHT on my left broken foot.  As a result I now have one bun of steel. BTW, you might be interested in knowing that the fracture of the 5th Metatarsal is also known as a dancer’s fracture.  Isn’t that a kick?  You all know how great I am with the Just Dance game and the Wii! [ See Blog postings for December 8 and December 9 2010]

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8 Responses to Life is a Trip

  1. Deb Sheffield says:

    Crutch school? I never knew there was such a thing! Does insurance take care of that, I hope???!!!??? ;o). Laughing WITH you, my friend, not AT you…!

    • mickeyrenner says:

      Since the doctor gave me a prescription for Crutch Training the insurance paid for most of it. Thanks for laughing with me, but really, if you saw me on crutches you would have laughed at me and I would have totally understood

  2. Brenda says:

    So not funny about the injury, but you still bring humor into your writings! GET BETTER AND BETTER everyday!!

  3. Mary Mercado says:

    Ditto with Brenda. We’re not laughing about the whole tripping on the alarm clock injury (to your face anyway). My hope is next year at this time, both feet will be fully functioning and at best a broken arm or maybe a pinky finger!!!

  4. anon says:

    Hope you’re feeling better! My foot broke when a 160 pound weight fell on it. Awaiting surgery…already been in a boot two months. By the time it’s all over, will have spent November through March in a cast/boot. I miss cute clothes!!! And don’t feel bad…..crutches are *hard*!

  5. mickeyrenner says:

    Hope your surgery goes well. I still have to wear my aircast at times so I am on month 7. I wish I could wear skinny jeans and tall boots but that doesn’t work with the aircast. At least a 160lb weight is an acceptable reason for breaking your foot. An alarm clock…not so much. Thank you for reading my blog.

  6. Andre says:

    it is likely to crack. This normally occurs in healthy and fit individuals who subject their body to excess physical activities. This kind of fracture is normally experienced by sportspersons and military recruits who engage in physical activities for long periods of time. They develop a stress fracture that leads to foot pain. The second situation is where people have extremely weak bones. This commonly affects women with osteoporosis.

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