Thanksgiving

I am willing to bet every one of you had to do the “Thanksgiving” assignment at some point in your childhood education.  You know, that one where you have to use the word Thanksgiving and be thankful for something that starts with each letter.  Of course it was easy to get started.

Which one of use didn’t start with, “I am thankful for T: the turkey we will eat on Thanksgiving Day? Actually I went to a Catholic Elementary school and I think we had to be a little more reverent like “I am thankful for T: the Ten commandments so I know how to behave and don’t have to go to confession so often.”  Since I am no longer in elementary school I would like to do a little variation on the assignment. I am going to use the letter for things that I am REALLY thankful for.

 

T – Toilet Paper   The Sears catalog costs money now.  Plus it is so thin I don’t think it would get me through February.  Besides I don’t know about you but I have has some sessions in the bathroom that would have required using pages 1-65 from the catalog and would have chaffed my butt for weeks  Holy crap, I am so thankful for Charmin, Quilted Northern  and AngelSoft.

 

H – Hot Fudge   In case you didn’t know this already, hot fudge on vanilla ice cream is my favorite food.  If someone said I could only eat one food for the rest of the life I would pick Hot Fudge on vanilla ice cream.  Of course the “rest of my life” would be pretty short, but what a way to go.  And my mom makes a hot fudge from scratch that is to die for.

 

A – Angry Birds  Well, not me personally but with 1 billion downloads across all platforms these birds are making a lot of people really happy.  If I understand this correctly the player uses a slingshot to launch birds at various pigs on the playing field to destroy them. I have not played the game nor do I understand the game.  Why are these birds so angry at the pigs?  Are they after the bacon?  That I could understand since I love bacon.  It improves the taste of just about anything except Hot Fudge.  Anyway, if and when I get an iphone I will have to join the 12 million other people that have purchased the Angry Birds App and become addicted to shooting birds at pigs.  However, I would like to take this opportunity to give credit where credit is due.  I think Alfred Hitchcock should get some credit for inventing angry bird in his  1963 movie “The Birds.”   Now those were some angry birds.   I went to the movie and it scared the bejeepers out of me.

 

N – Natural Gas  Not the kind that escapes me when I eat certain foods like Wendy’s Bacon
Cheese Portabella Hamburger Melt. I am referring to the kind that heats my house.  MDU charges a little too much in my opinion but I am very thankful for the being able to push the up button on the thermostat and warm air pours out of the heating vents.  On a cold winter day I love to come home, crank the heat up to about 75, sit by the vent in the bathroom and let the hot air warm me up.  It feels so good and it warms me up so much that I get sleepy and the next natural step is to curl up on the couch and take a nice nap.  [BTW, naps are another thing I am thankful for and have come to appreciate].  But back to natural gas, I am so thankful that I don’t have to come home from work and build a fire to keep warm.  I don’t think I have ever started a fire from scratch in my entire life.  [Except for a few at the stove in the kitchen.]  Really, there are so many obstacles I could never overcome.  First of all, me and an axe is not a good combination.  If I actually had to chop wood, well I would wager to guess I wouldn’t have a left foot available to even break.   I know a person needs kindling to start a fire.  The only kindling I know of is old newspapers.  By the time I crumple up 3 weeks of newspapers and stick it in with the logs I am covered from head to toe with newsprint.  Truthfully I have had no luck starting a fire with newspapers.  The paper burns up, charred pieces of paper fly out the chimney and the neighbors call and complain about the carbon footprints that are falling into their yards and do they need to call the fire department.

 

K  K was always hard to come up with something more original in elementary school.  What else is there besides, K: The knives which we used to cut the turkey?  Or if you were like me and couldn’t spell you could use knapkins which got circled in red by the teacher and 5 points taken off.

K – Ketchup  My second favorite food is French fries and ketchup.  I know the more sophisticated palates have moved on to ranch dressing, hot sauces, liquid cheese dip and Wendys’ Frostys.  But I am a diehard ketchup and fries fan [How come every time I write about my favorite food “die” ends up in the sentence?]  I am proud to say I am not an over indulgent ketchup user.   For example I don’t put it on turkey or steak.  I do like it on hamburgers but not to the point that it is dripping off the burger onto my white sweater.  I do put ketchup in Liptons noodle soup but that doesn’t count because I haven’t made Liptons noodle soup in the last 5 years.  If it is lunchtime and I have a choice between making Liptons noodle soup or picking up fries from Macdonald’s, somehow the fires always win out, even if I have to wait 30 minutes in the drive-up lane.

 

S – Sweatpants  OMG, aren’t they one of the greatest fashion designs ever!  They are so comfortable!  You can eat all the hot fudge and French fries you want and they are still comfy.  Te are perfect for keeping you warm around the house.  They are perfect to wear when taking a nap.  Best of all the choice are endless.  They come in different materials like fleece, t-shirt material, and cotton.  Best of all traditional ugly grey isn’t your only choice.  They come in every color from patterns and favorite prints, like Angry Birds.  Personally I like the ones that have something printed across the butt like “ I like pink”  Although I think they should get more creative and have sayings like “Caution: natural gas zone” or “What are you looking at?”

While on the subject of pants I would like to lodge a complaint to the fashion industry for manufacturing skinny jeans.  Personally I like them if I buy 2 sizes larger than what I normally wear.  However, all my pants from last year make me feel like I am wearing super duper bell bottoms from the 70’s.  At work the cure little gals wear skinny jeans with the cutest shoes or the latest fashion boots.  I am so jealous because skinny jeans are in style the year I have a broken foot. An air cast looks really stupid over skinny jeans. I tried wearing my cast with skinny jeans and then a regular knee high boot on the other foot.  It so didn’t work.  I looked like a pirate dressed up for Mardi Gras,

 

G – Garages  I am so thankful that I have a garage for my car.  Life would be so miserable if I had to scrap my car off every morning in the winter.  I despise  (and no “despise” is not too strong of a word) standing out in the freezing cold with the wind blowing 50 miles per hour brushing snow off my car and scraping ice off the windows until I am chilled to the bone.  This scenario happens enough times at work which means I come home, turn the heat up to 75, put on sweat pants, sit by the bathroom heart vent to warm up and then take a nap   There is something else about my garage.  Of all the awful, negative things I went through during my divorce the garage was a positive.  One summer my son helped me shovel out the garage.  All my ex’s crap got hauled out to his place.  Without his stuff, the garage is nearly empty.  Anything I do have in the garage has its place and stays in its place. I have to sweep leaves out of it everyonce in a while but mostly it is in pristine shape and I love it.

 

I – Internet   Who is not thankful for the Internet?  It is at times information overload, but at least it is instant information.  For example if you are reading the ingredients labels on a food item (which I am not) you may come across Xanthan Gum.  The internet will tell you that Xantham Gum contains bacteria similar to molding vegetables.  [I think I have some of those in my refrigerator right now]  Xanthan Gum is in dairy products, sauces and salad dressings.  Clearly all the more reason for me to stick to ketchup.  But there are millions of examples of how helpful the internet can be.  I personally am thankful for Google images. .  I use it a lot when I am scrapbooking.  Forgetting to buy a postcard from you last vacation spot or losing your digital camera at the Nasa Space Center Museum is no longer a disaster.  Google images will have thousands of pictures from every distance and every angle.  But mostly I am thankful for WordPress providing me with the opportunity to post a Blog for frees on the internet.  I may not be a New York Times bestselling author, but I have a place to share my writing, which helps me classify myself in my own mind as a writer in some sense of the word.  For that I am extremely thankful!

 

V   Another hard letter but I think in elementary school everyone put vacation .  Having two days off from school and a 4 day weekend was great, for the kids anyway.

V – Vanilla Ice cream that goes so well with Hot Fudge.   Just kidding, you have heard enough about that already.

 

V – Vampires  Specifically Edward in the Twilight series.  OMG, he is the best looking vampire I could ever imagine.  Not to mention have you seen what he can do to a bedroom.   WOW!  I will never forget that scene when his sin sparkled in the sum.  That scene so killed most of the stereotypes I had in mind about vampires.  And then there is Carlisle.  Have you ever imagined such a nice, caring vampire and he is a doctor.  I know real doctors who have a colder bedside manner than Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the vampire.  I certainly wouldn’t hesitate to go to him.  He would certainly know everything there is to know about blood!   But before you assign me to Team Edward, I am thinking a nice snuggly ride on Jacob’s back might not be so bad either.  Of course, I am talking about when he is in werewolf form.

 

I  Ice cream, especially vanilla that goes so well with Hot Fudge.

Just kidding!!!!

 

I – Imagination and Intellect  I am not referring to my own, but to everybody’s.  I think of all those inventors that have made life so much easier.  I mean I can’t imagine life with a wash machine.  Boiling large kettles of water on the stove to wash clothes sounds like an impossibility to me.  I also can’t imagine life with a hot water heater.  How many large kettle of water would you have to boil to take a nice hot bath?  That would be a miserable task.  I am constantly adding hot water to keep the temperature exactly right for a luxurious soak in a bubble bath.  I am thinking that getting out of the tub, walking to the stove to get more hot water definitely would cancel out the luxurious and the bubbles.  And thank goodness for No. 2 pencils.  I have a feeling if I was writing a Blog with ink and feathers I would look and feel like and Angry Bird by the time I was done.

 

N – Napkins  Even so “napkins” is quite an elementary choice, I am truthfully thankful for napkins.  I do not know why my exact problem is, but I am a messy eater.  A hamburger with even a small amount of ketchup requires the use of 15 napkins.  Ask my BFF, Brenda.  She has eaten enough times with me at Wendy’s to know that by the time I am finished eating y tray is  overloaded with crumpled up napkins and I still have dripped ketchup on my shirt.  It really doesn’t matter what I eat, some of it falls on my boob-ledge.  I don’t have exceptionally large boobs but they are big enough to provide a catching ledge for whatever I am eating.  I have had to brush off cookie crumbs, sprinkles from a donut, pieces of chocolate cupcakes, potato chips and popcorn. And this is just an extremely short list.  Plain and simple I still need to wear a bib.  I shudder to think about me eating in a nursing home when I get to that point.  I am not aware that I constantly chew with my mouth open.  The only other explanation I can think of is that when I take a bite of something my mouth and tongue aren’t synchronized enough to keep bits and pieces of food in my mouth.  It is no wonder I am divorced!

 

G – Grateful  I cannot write a Thanksgiving Blog without expressing my gratitude to my readers.  True to my word, since I have started writing again I have never checked out the stats, so I don’t know how many of you are out there reading.  I do know how tremendously grateful I am to each and every one of you that does read my Blog. If I brighten your day or bring some laughter into your life I have achieved a gargantuan goal.

 

I wish all my readers a very Happy Thanksgiving!

 

And again, my greatest gratitude for reading my blog.

 

 

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8 Responses to Thanksgiving

  1. Brenda says:

    I love it — one of your best blogs ever, Mickey! Don’t ever stop writing!

  2. At last as i am getting to the ripe old age of, never mind, I now know what it all stands for. Thank you

  3. Deb Sheffield says:

    Once again, laughing by myself…!!! Happiest of Thanksgivings to you, my first and forever friend!!!

  4. mickeyrenner says:

    I am so thankful that you, my first and forever friend, are my reliable laugh-o-meter. I wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  5. Mary Mercado says:

    So cute and creative. We’re thankful for you. Keep writing Sis!! Happy Thanksgiving from one of your faithful readers.

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