It’s true. I got an iphone! My old phone that I was perfectly happy with and more importantly comfortable with just stopped working. One day I am expertly transferring pictures from my phone to the memory card on my phone and the next minute the four key buttons on the phone quit working. Really? As smart as they make phones you would think that the phone would be smart enough to give you some indication it has decided to quit working. I think a flashing green grim reaper with a 10 minute warning would be helpful. That way a person could at least text all their contacts and let them know that your phone is dying and that you will be phoneless for a while.
Instead, by not being able to respond to calls and texts, your contacts are thinking you are being rude and inconsiderate and they are unfriending you on facebook. As soon as I possibly could I went to the AT&T store. I had high hopes that someone there could magically fix my phone. I really expected them to pop out the battery and set some sort of reset button and say I was good to go. Instead the guy helping me tells me I must have somehow got my phone wet. I told him I did not get my phone wet. Believe it or not my phone never once fell in the toilet, never once fell in the bathtub, [even so I have texted in the tub] or never once did I spill a diet coke on it. I don’t even think I ever sneezed on my phone. But there is no arguing with Mr. Phone Expert. He tells me that the patch on the battery that has now turned an orange red color indicates that the phone has indeed somehow gotten wet and the phone cannot be fixed. Truthfully, I have my doubts that he was being honest with me. I believe that the phone somehow could have been fixed but there is a sales quota for the day to meet and believe me I might as well have had Ms. Gullible stamped on my forehead when I walked into the store. Their sales quota must be per store and not per person because he handed me off to Amanda. He said Amanda would be glad to explain my options to me. I am guessing Amanda is low person on the totem pole and she gets the really dumb difficult customers. Unfortunately I would have been pegged as a difficult customer because of my extreme lack of cell phone knowledge. So I got passed off to Amanda. Poor Amanda. She had the patience of a saint. Since I had my phone for 3 years I was entitled to an upgrade in which they actually would waive the $36 upgrade fee. Out of the whole conversation I understood “waive $36.00, but that was all. She told me that if I was interested in an iphone this would be the time to get one since they would be no upgrade fee. I didn’t understand any of the upgrade business but when she said iphone I was interested. She took me over to the iphones and started explaining my choices and differences between iphone 4S and iphone 5. She patiently explained something and then politely asked if I had any questions. I understood about 1/5th of what she was saying so I had no idea what question would even make sense to ask. Amanda would show me things the phone could do. I watched in complete confusion. I mean her fingers flew over the phone in all directions and I just stared at the phone in amazement. When she asked if I had any questions I just kept staring at the phone in silence. I had no idea what she just did, I didn’t understand anything she said and had no indication that I would be capable of actually using the phone to make a phone call. At one point I was quiet for so long that she politely asked again if I had any questions. I told her I was “thinking.” She looked into my vacant eyes and I doubted she believed I was capable of thinking about anything that remotely pertained to the iphone. In spite of my complete confusion I went ahead and decided to purchase the iphone 4S. [My decision making skills are right up there with my coping skills – Sarcasm intended] What a relief when Amanda actually asked me a question I understood and could answer.
“What color would you like, black or white?”
I chose black but who would know that because when I actually held the phone in my hand and realized how tin and fragile it was I had to by a case, of course. I was pretty sure that I could buy an iphone case to match every outfit in my closet but to be honest I was petrified to leave the store without a protective case. Luckily for me they had a purple and aqua Otter case. I have a pair of purple and a pair of aqua pair of skinny jeans so I was feeling good about that decision. Then Amanda, the kind soul that she is, offered to set up my e-mail account. She handed me the iphone and told me to type in my e-mail address. Very carefully with my pointer finger I delicately tapped out my e-mail address on that amazing keyboard. I LOVE how when you tap on the letter it gets big enough to see. I also love the clicking noise. I can’t really explain it, but for me it is a confirmation click. It is like I am actually successfully entering useful information. Of course 68% of the time I am not actually hitting the right key but that is beside the point. So, click, click, click, I enter my e-mail address and password. Amanda took over and entered some settings that pertained to my e-mail provider. Something went wrong with the setup and Amanda said she would need to start over. I reached for my phone to reenter my e-mail address but Amanda hung on to the phone. Totally understandable. Holding the phone in her two hands and using both of her thumbs she reentered my e-mail address in less than 2 seconds. I would love to be able to do that whole texting with the two thumbs thing. But, I believe that takes some right brain / left brain synchronization that I wasn’t born with or more accurately haven’t been able to develop. Just ask my son. When he was little I tried so hard to play Mario Kart with him, but I could not drive and collect coins at the same time. We wouldn’t be playing for 2 minutes and I would hit a banana peel. It was pathetic. Once, uber-patient Amanda got my e-mail set up she showed me the icon to tap on to open up my e-mail. I love the little red box in the upper right hand of the corner of the icon that tells you how many e-mails you have in your inbox. Unfortunately once in the e-mail, I realize it is all too small for me. I am use to text messages being small. That is the idea. We all send little messages to each other. But in my unsynchronized, brain e-mails are suppose to be longer, more important, chattier, and bigger. Besides can you imagine me replying to an e-mail with my single pointer finger method of tapping out a message? OMG it would take me hours to reply. I have to say I love my iphone even so I am only using 1/1000th of its potential. My niece, Mandy, told me that there is more technology in an iphone then it took to land a man on the moon. Well, now that I have my own iphone, “Fly Me to the Moon.”