i-love my i-phone.  Even so I know I am only using about 3.14159% of its capabilities.  Here is what I can do so far:

1)      I can make a phone call.  Although my contacts are arranged completely the opposite way than on my old phone.  My previous phone arranged the contacts in alphabetical order according to the first name.  If I am going to remember a name at all it is going to be the first name. [See blog “What’s In  Name?”] The i-phone arranges the names in alphabetical order by the last name.  Now theoretically this is perfect for a librarian.  I mean I am constantly telling patrons at the library that the fiction book they are looking for is shelved alphabetically by the author’s last name.  On my old phone my mom’s phone number was listed under “Mom Home.”  Do you think I ever remember to look in the H’s for mom?

2)      I can answer a phone call.  Of course it helps to have a large green sigh that says “slide to answer.”  I have to say though that “Slide to answer” is foreign to me.  So there is always that second that I keep looking at the screen waiting for the phone to tell me to now hold the phone up to my ear.  What puzzles me is that after I am done with the phone call I tend to push the home button instead of the giant red END Bar.  I have no idea why I do this other than I am constantly pushing the home button trying to navigate around the phone in general.

3)      I can text.  I still just text with one finger but I can text.  It has been pointed out to me that turning the pone to landscape position the keyboard is larger and that would help with the “fat-thumb” texting.  However, in that position I can’t see the entire message I am responding to and that annoys me for some reason.  I think the whole scrolling thing breaks my chain of thought and then I can’t remember what I was typing and I have to start over, rewording my response. Rewording may or may not require me to scroll up to the message again, which interrupts by thought process once again.  By this time the person I am texting to has texted again and is asking if I am still there?  Since I love texting so much I decided I wanted emoticons. I thought that would be so much fun to join the rest of the world and text with emoticons. I did get to the app store but I ran into a slight problem.  There were over 300 emoticon apps.  Nope, this task was beyond me.  I was going to have to contact tech support.  My i-phone tech support is my son, Nik.  I knew he was in class but I sent him a text asking him to call me ASAP.  As soon as he got out of class he called me and breathlessly asked, “Mom what’s wrong?  Are you OK?  Are Grandma and Grandpa OK? I was puzzled by his apprehension and told him everything was fine and I just had an i-phone question.

NIK: “Well, you scared the crap out of me.  With the way you worded the text I thought for sure something terrible had happened.”

ME: “Why would you think that?”

NIK: “Maybe because you capitalized ASAP and then used 3 exclamation points.”

ME: “No everything is just fine.  I just want to ask which emotion app would be the best for me to download as an app.”

NIK:  “With all the problems you have with texting you want to add emoticons to your text messages?”
ME:  “Yes, I think that would be fun.  And you being the guru of i-stuff I thought it would be easiest just to ask you which app to download.”

NIK:  “Mom, why don’t you use the emoticons that are on the phone already?”

ME: “There are emoticons on my phone that I can use?”

NIK:  “Of course.  And if you are texting from i-phone to i-phone you share the same emoticons.

ME: “What are you talking about?”

NIK: “Mom, other apps may not be compatible with the i-phone and the image won’t translate from one phone to another.”
ME:  “What are you talking about?”

NIK:  If the emoticons are not compatible a smiley face may be a combination of signs and symbols that looks like swear words to the person you are texting.

ME: “I can see where that could cause some confusion and miscommunication.”

NIK: “For you mom, definitely.”

ME: “Well I am perfectly willing to use the emoticons that are already on the phone.  So how do I do that?”

NIK:  “Can you put me on speaker phone.”

ME: “No”

NIK: “Well, take the phone away from your ear and hold it in front of your face.”

ME:  “How will that help?”
NIK:  “Mom, just trust me on this one.”

Of course putting the phone in front of my face allowed me to realize that one of the little boxes on the screen gave me the choice of speaker phone. Nik was then able to rattle off the directions.

Settings – Scroll down – Keyboard – Keyboards {Nik, you said that already. Mom you need to choose Keyboards again on the next screen} – Add new keyboard – Scroll down – Choose Emoji and that should do it.  When you type a text the little “globe” next to the numbers key will bring up the emoticons.

I thanked Nik and asked him not to block my number if I promised to text him before hand if I was calling about an i-phone question.   He laughed and said he was more than willing to help me as long as I didn’t make it sound like the question was a life or death situation and I didn’t ask more than 5 questions per day.  I could agree to that.  Then he asked me, “Mom didn’t you buy the i-phone 5 for Dummies book?”

ME: “Yes, but I found out I am dumber than the dummies they wrote the book for.”

NIK: “ I doubt that.  Next time you have a question at least try using the book.  Then call me.”

ME: Yeah, I guess I could try that.”
To be honest it is just so much easier to ask Nik then it is to find anything in that dumb book.

I have to say I am fascinated with my emoticons.  There are pages and pages of choices.  Honestly, some of them I don’t recognize.  Also, I have not come up with a scenario in which I would use a French Poodle emoticon, but one never knows.  Before I went to bed that night, I texted Nik thanking him for helping me with the emoticons.  I inserted a little heart in my message.  After that, I texted him goodnight and sweet dreamscapes.

His replay:  Dreamscapes????  R u planning to snd  hallucinogens in the nxt pkg?

(Stupid auto-spell)


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5 Responses to Emoji

  1. Mary Mercado says:

    So cute Mickey. Yup we’re cut from the same cloth. I didn’t even know emoicons was a word?! I can’t believe you’re at the iPhone level. Soon it’ll be iPad, then iBooks, and who knows what next. As long as you reserve iHOP for me, I’m OK!!

    • mickeyrenner says:

      Hey Sis, If there was an iHop in Dickinson I would have to be rolled out of town with a Bulldozer. I still love iHop more than my iPhone since I am assuming it wouldn’t be a good idea to pour syrup on my iPhone! I love you, Sis. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

  2. Deb says:

    You’re scaring me, my friend…I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle even your three simple iPhone functions! Of course, we haven’t upgraded yet, so it’s not an issue…but WHEN we do, can Nik also be MY tech support person?!? Tell him I promise never to send a text in all capital letters! 🙂

    Here I am, laughing out loud, as always; enjoying myself when reading anything you’ve written!

  3. mickeyrenner says:

    Thanks Deb, for “laughing out loud.”…..the most meaningful comment I can receive!!! And yes, I will share Nik when you upgrade to the iPhones. I wish I could say I will be so knowledgeable and so proficient on the iPhone that I could be your Tech support person, but that is never gonna happen. And Deb, I cannot thank you enough. Your comments to my blogs keep me trying to keep continue to write. Who could ask for a better friend than that?

  4. mary lovell says:

    I am not smart enough to use a iphone, or any ithing. I also remember the 8th grade teacher who tried to teach us english, and one rule was the over use of I in our writing. Of course when I was in the 8th grade computers were as large as a house, and I was always a capital letter, and most of us didn’t know what a computer was, as Star Treck was not on TV. So the fact the you have and are using an iphone means you are brave and very smart, and have a great son. Love your writing and I won’t tell my teacher about I, or i.

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