Good morning all my wonderful Blends.[Blog Friends}
“You all” [see this is what happens when every other person you wait on at the library is from the South and every out of state license plate is Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Georgia] Let me start over.
All my readers know my close, crass, and convoluted relationship with Murphy. [From Murphy’s Law] Fortunately the guy is invisible. Otherwise I would be waiting for my court date for an Assault and Battery charges. Last week Tuesday I woke up. You know how when you wake up you have to try and think what day it is? Remember you are trying to do this in a sleep stupor. It took me awhile to realize it was a day to get up and go to work. Since my alarm hadn’t gone off I figured I had more time to sleep. I glanced at the clock to see how much more time I had to sleep before I had to get up and get ready for work. This is what I saw:
I jumped out of bed as fast as possible. I have to be to work by 8:00 am. [BTW this is the infamous alarm clock that Murphy made me step on last summer, break a foot bone, wear a cast for two months, stumble around with crutches for 3 months and a wear a boot for 4 months.] I don’t even have to ask myself why the alarm didn’t go off. Murphy changes my wake up time from am to pm while I am sleeping. He knows I am an even easier target when I am in a huge panic trying to get ready for work. So now the rush is on. I only have time to splash some water on my face. I go to grab a towel from the linen closet and this is what happens:
I actually keep the Swiffer mop propped up in the other corner of the closet by the door. Murphy likes to put it her next to the towels. It isn’t hard to remove my thumb and reach over the mop to get a towel. It is just so irritating and takes extra precious seconds that I don’t have. Meanwhile, I am imaging Murphy patting himself on the back for coming up with such creative ideas to simply annoy me. It is a good thing that I set out my clothes the night before, so I can easily grab them and get dressed in record time. It is a bad thing that Murphy put a spot of grease on the butt side of my pants. I swear the spot was not there the night before. You may wonder how I knew it was even there. To be truthful, out of habit I do the Tinkerbell thing. Not that I stand on a mirror, but I do twist myself around in front of the mirror to see if my butt looks fat.
So now with precious little time left I have to find a new outfit to wear. This drives me absolutely crazy. Even so I know Murphy can be on the prowl while I sleep I never have in mind a second set of clothes. In the evening when I decide what I am going to wear the next day I consider that decision done and over with and is not something I have to deal with in the morning. Having to pick out a new outfit totally throws me off. It doesn’t matter what I pull out of the closet. It wasn’t what I had picked out in the first place, so nothing I pick out satisfies me because I wanted to wear what I picked out. I resent Murphy for forcing me to make a different decision. Eventually my time is up and I have to go with whatever I had on when I realize how late it is getting. Usually I end up with an outfit that makes me look frumpy and my butt look fat. I don’t know about you but I can’t do my best at work when I feel like a frumpazoid with a fat butt. Plus this is what I have to come home to after a long fumpy, grumpy day at work:
I don’t even think I need to tell you that it is going to be an extremely bad hair day. Here is where the mousse ends up:
And here is me stepping into it, of course.
The last thing I do before I leave for work is pee. That is something I brought with me from my childhood. Not that there is any rationality to the action. It takes me about 7 minutes to get to work and we have a really nice and always spotless bathroom. However, it is ingrained in my mind and in my routine. So I need to make one more trip to the bathroom before I go. I really thought Murphy by now went to bug someone else getting ready for work. But as if I would be so lucky. I walked into the bathroom with my shoes untied since I didn’t have time to tie them yet and this is what happened:
What are the chances of a shoelace getting caught under the door? Of course in my rush I didn’t realize this happened. When I tried to more my stuck foot my shoe stayed put and I fell to the floor. Good thing I landed on a soft pile of clothes. My knee did land on that hanger and that really hurt. I so would have kicked Murphy if he was visible. As I limped to the toilet, I noticed that I hadn’t put my earrings on as they are still setting on the bathroom counter. Certainly I can put earrings on while I am on the pot. That thinking was over optimism Murphyism While attempting to put on my earrings one earring feel into my pants.
Did the earring catch on my underwear? Of course it didn’t. It fell all the way down my pant leg. Did it fall out of my pant leg? Of course not. I was wearing skinny jeans and the earring was stuck somewhere in the middle area of my calf. This means I had to take off one shoe [Remember the other one is still stuck under the door] and take off my pants to retrieve the earring. At this point I call my boss and apologize that I am going to be at least 10 minutes late for work. I simply tell her my alarm clock failed to go off. I have the most understanding boss in the world. She simply thanked me for letting her know and that such things happen to all of us. I didn’t tell her that I was being terrorized by Murphy for the last half hour. Who would believe that?