With the Boom in the Bakken, one comes to expect the obvious growing pains. There is the pain of waiting through 3 red lights because of all the traffic and road construction. There is the pain of waiting 30 minutes in the slow line at the fast food restaurants. The pain your pocket book suffers as the cost of everything climbs by dimes from week to week. It is a sad day when a hundred dollars worth of groceries fits in one bag. But besides the obvious there are other subtle changes that might be disturbing to some people. One change that I have noticed that disturbs me is the influx of birds. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but in my opinion I think the bird population has grown directly proportional with the people population. Okay, so maybe more birds isn’t a big of a problem as 10% inflation every week, but the birds bother me. Personally I don’t trust birds. I haven’t trusted them since my cousin Patty took me to see Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds in the theater when I was a kid. Mr. Hitchcock would be glad to know I was scared out of my mind. I remember when I heard on the news about the birds that mysteriously fell dead out of the sky. Even after all those years my first thought was, “That’s what you dumb birds get for chasing and attacking innocent little girls running home from school.” But let me say more about the trust issue. You can’t trust birds because you can’t look into their eyes and see trust like you can with a puppy, a baby deer or a koala bar. I think the problem is you can’t look into both of the bird’s eyes at the same time. The whole way they have to jerk their heads sideways to look at you with one eye is creepy. I always wonder what the other eye on the other side of their head is looking at. It is probably scooping out the perfect tree branch for them to perch themselves on so they can crap on your head.
If there are indeed more birds taking up residence in Dickinson than ever before, I know why. The birds have sent communications through their migration lines that there is tons of food up here in Dickinson to eat. I personally have not seen the signs, but somewhere there must be signs posted that say:
“This parking lot may also be used as a garbage dump”
Finding a parking spot at Walmart involves trying to find one that isn’t littered with French fries, hamburgers that have been driven over and puddles of the remains of a sticky chocolate shake. And that is just for starters. There are apple cores, banana peels, grapes that have been stepped on, and the top leaves from whole pineapples. There are crumbs from every flavor of potato chips imaginable, Doritos, Fritos, and Cheetos. The rest of the food groups can be found in the remains of a wide variety of sub sandwiches with the works. I have to admit that I have watched birds peck at the remains of a burrito and wondered if later in the day the jalapeño peppers have given them extra propulsion as they fly to the next parking lot looking for supper. If there happens to be any angry birds looking to support bad habits there is enough chewing tobacco, cigarette butts and spilled beer to supply more than one fraternal organization. Sadly it is not just the parking lots either. I have driven down 8th Avenue West when I have had to dodge discarded take out boxes, plastic bottles of Gatorade, broken glass beer bottles and large cups from every fast food chain that exists in Dickinson. Once I couldn’t avoid driving over a slice of pizza because of oncoming traffic. When I got to work I had to pick pepperonis out of my left front tire.
But let’s get back to birds and the fact that they can fly. Why is it that stupid birds get the privilege of being able to fly? Ever since man came into existence and saw a bird take flight and soar so gracefully over the earth he has thought to himself; “I want to be able to do that.” From that day on man made it his mission to conquer the skies until air flight became a reality. But where has it really gotten us? I will tell you. It has gotten us strip searches, 5 free peanuts, $6.00 apples and hundreds of thousands of incubators for…..you guessed it……Bird Flu.