When I wrote about Birds in the Bakken, I certainly did not have this in mind. Driving into the mall parking lot this weekend this is what I saw:
My garbage eating feathered fouls paled in comparison. Amidst all these dark, elegant, impressive and decorative lawn ornaments was this giant white rooster. Talk about sticking out like a sore cockerel. Even the bright pink flamingos blended in better than this monster rooster. I confess I laughed out loud. If only I could have just laughed it off. But I could not get this enormous rooster out of my mind. Once I saw it, all these thoughts and questions kept tumbling through my mind. Thoughts would lead to questions; questions would lead to answers; [some of which are not printable] and answers lead to more questions.
The first question of course was:
Who would want such a massive rooster as a lawn ornament?
I came up with two answers:
1) Someone who’s religious beliefs involves worshiping a rooster deity that represents fertility and prosperity.
2) Someone who really loves roosters A LOT.
Who really loves roosters that much?
I had a difficult time coming up with an answer to this question. I mean who doesn’t love baby chicks and mother hens. Remember when you could get baby chicks in various Easter colors? Seeing tiny blue, green, pink and purple chicks running around in a box was like watching a 3-D Easter Kaleidoscope. It was a sight that thrilled and amazed young and old alike. Any mother that is compared to a “mother hen” takes this as a compliment and a statement of endearment. I cannot think of one endearing quality of a rooster.
First : Roosters are noisy and the noise they make is annoying. They obviously don’t just crow when the sun comes up. I think we can all safely say that we have heard a rooster crow and how many of us have been on a chicken farm at sunup. I have heard many roosters doe their “cock-a-doodle-do” thing. Speaking of which, who came up with the term “cock-a-doodle-do” and how does it really relate to the crowing of a rooster? Unfortunately, I have a sneaky suspicion that the answer to this question is also unprintable. But back to their crowing, you have to admit they are not quiet about it. A person would think that all roosters had the lungs the size of an elephants. Talk about the need to draw attention to themselves. I think we are talking about some serious deep psychological issues here.
Second: Roosters just ooze of conceit. They strut around the farmyard and you know what they are thinking in that bird brain of theirs. They want you to know how many hens are in their harem. Not only that, all the hens are basically complaisant (they are chickens after all) and mostly quiet. When a rooster looks at you with one eye you know he is asking if you are capable of establishing such a controlled female flock. Obviously even Kody Brown from Sister Wives doesn’t have that sort of control. [Now that I think about it, maybe Kody would be one person in this world in the market for a Rooster lawn ornament of that size.]
Plus, I think that besides God, only a rooster knows which came first: the chicken or the egg.
Third: Roosters are so aggressive. Yeah, I get the whole protecting their flock thing and that is commendable. But I am talking about the deeper aggression issues that go way beyond your average angry bird. I am talking about the existence of a multi-billion dollar gaming industry of cockfighting that exists all around the world. One would think that a rooster with that many hens at his controllable disposal would be mellower or at least more tired
As my thoughts of giant rooster continue I realize I must put aside my prejudices. My thoughts have led me to the realization that roosters are pretty darn important. Without roosters there would be no baby chicks. Without baby chicks there would be no hens. Without hens there would be no eggs. And really, what would life be like with no eggs. I personally cannot imagine breakfast without eggs-over-easy, omelets or French toast. What would 1.34 billion people in China eat for lunch if there wasn’t any egg drop soup? Personally, I shudder to think of a life without cake, cookies, and caramel rolls. And just one more “food for thought;” where would Buddy, the Cake Boss be without eggs? Not vacationing in Italy that is for sure.
I will be beyond surprised if I drive by the mall parking lot and the colossal rooster is gone.