I Meant

Hello all my blends! [Blog Friends]   Did you give up on me?  I apologize for the absence of new blog alerts showing up in your e-mail.

I would first like to thank each and every person who reads my blog.   A bloggers words are meaningless until someone reads them and they spark thoughts and emotions.  In my case I hope that my words bring you humor and happiness.  Two things I believe this world can use more of on any given day.  I would especially like to thank all of the wonderful people who have complimented me on the articles.  Your comments bring me happiness and encouragement.  Two things I believe any writer can use more of on any given day.

The last two months of 2013 I have been living a Lemony Snicket life: a serious of unfortunate events.  Let me just say:  airplane travel, anarchy, and antibiotics.  With 15 days into the New Year of 2014 I am still hanging on to new hopes.  Just for your information I let go of any resolutions I made for the New Year by 7:00 am on the 1^st when I ate 2 chocolate sprinkle donuts and hot chocolate (not low fat ) for breakfast.  Those extra pounds I ate my way through the series of unfortunate events are here to stay.   One resolution I wish everyone would make and keep is t NOT to TEXT and DRIVE. I actually would prefer if people didn’t talk on their cell phones and drive, but that is now so common and out of control there is no turning the clock back on that one.  As you are driving to work or to exercise or to your morning coffee group just count the number of people on their cell phones that are driving.  I guess I have to be thankful that most of the people are just talking on their cell phones.  They could be talking on their cell phones, eating a breakfast burrito with their other hand, and steering their vehicle with one knee on snow packed, ice covered roads in the now famous Dickinson traffic.   But let’s get back to texting.  I personally do not text and drive because I can’t sit perfectly still at the table and pound out a coherent text message.  I am pathetic.  My whole family is learning to decipher a “Mickey-text”.  My son was home for Christmas and he was appalled that I was still punching out texts with my single right index finger. With the texts he has received from me he was positive that I was texting with my toes.

Here is the conversation we had:

Nik:  Have you tried texting with your two thumbs?

Me:  Nik, I constantly hit the wrong letters with my one skinny index finger.  If  I use my 2 thumbs which are twice as fat as my finger, I  would have 4 times the errors or in my case basically gibberish.

Nik:   I hate to be the one to tell you mom, but most of your texts are gibberish. I have no choice but to practice tough-love texting on you.

Me:  What is that suppose to mean?

Nik:  From now on I will respond to your tests literally from what you typed instead of trying to decipher what you really meant to type.

Me: Geez isn’t that sort of over the top?

Nik : It may seem harsh, but mom it is for your own good.  How else are you ever going to learn to proof read before you hit send.  One of these times you may text something to your boss that could get you fired.

Me:   You are right.  My boss wasn’t very happy when I texted to everyone that she had a really good staff infection that she wanted to share with everyone.  I actually meant staff in-service.

Nik:  That is my point.  It doesn’t matter what you meant to send.  What counts is what is being read after you hit send.

Talk about role reversal .  I rolled my eyes and said, “Whatever”

Here are some of the snippets from my tough- love texting lessons:

Nik:  Mom, now would be a good time to tell me who my real father is.

Me:  What are you talking about?

Nik:  You just texted me and said I was the most wonderful “sin”

Me:  Son, Son, I meant, Son

Nik:  Mom, I have 150 test papers to grade, a business lunch meeting with the Business Fraternity, class from 3-7 and a 5 page reaction paper to write.  There is obviously no time for “lust” today and even if there was what in your wildest dreams makes you think I would tell you.

Me:  What are you talking about?

Nik”  You just texted me what is on your “lust” today?

Me:   List, List, I meant  List

Nik:  Goodnight mom, I guess some deciphering does have to be done with your texting skills.  You just wished me goodnight and sewer dreams.  As my mother I am guessing you were wishing me Ninja Turtle dreams and you aren’t wishing me to dredge up dreams of filth and stench.

Me:  Sweet dreams, Sweet dream, I meant Sweet dreams.

The next day I was totally frustrated with my dumb phone.  The time was 23 minutes off.  I texted my son.

Me:  My “Fri King” phone is 23 minutes off.  How can that be?

Nik:  “Fri King” What is a “Fri King”

Me:  Fricking, Fricking, I meant Fricking

Nik:  With the gibberish you send out over the cell towers your phone is probably being monitored by some KGB base in Siberia.

Me:  OMG.  Can they do that?   Are you “kicking” me

Nik:  No I am too far away to actually “kick” you.

Me:  Kidding, Kidding, I meant Kidding

Nik:  Seriously, maybe your phone is receiving signals from the Star Wars planet Naboo and any day now you might get a text from Jar Jar Binks.

Me:  Sin, U R  Fri King hilarious