Day Six Assignment: Make an Irresistible “About” Page
No can do. I am going to have to use my “One Free Assignment Pass” that I got when I did extra credit for my Identify My Audience Assignment.
I am incapable of compiling a “About Me’” page. I wish I could say it was because I am a complex; multi-layered brainiac. Actually quite the opposite is true. I have absolutely no common sense what so ever. I am indeed multi-layered but in all the wrong places and “maniac” would be the better word. I do believe that synapsing is taking place among the neurons of my brain. However they are in a more of a pulsating Snipp, Snapp and Snurr pattern. What happens is that I only remember snippets of very important information, like the address of where I work. At other times a perfectly good train of thought snaps into pieces and I have no clue what I was just thinking about. Then there are the times when just a random thought will settle in my hippocampus and I am stirred to think about it. Many times this stray though is a single word.
I have a question for my classmates. Sometimes when I am writing and the TV is on, I will realize that the word just spoken on the TV is exactly the next word I am going to write down. Does this ever happen to you? I am asking this in all seriousness. I think it is some sort of celestial consciousness or lunar enlightenment. But whatever it actually is, it really does happen to me at times. At other times I will hear the very same uncommon word three or 4 times in the span of 15 minutes. When my part of the brain known as the inferior temporal gyrus reaches the number “ 3 “ it sends a message to my neurons to take note of this meaningless word that happens to be haunting me. This happened to me on Friday when after two weeks of coughing, sneezing, and nose blowing I finally decided to go to the walk-in clinic. While waiting in the waiting room the TV was announcing that the Dow Jones dropped another 168 points. Then a commercial came on and a lady was bragging how she dropped 30 pounds in just 3 weeks by walking. [Don’t believe it. I tried this and I didn’t lose an ounce. I think my mistake was that I walked to the Dairy Queen and got a medium French Silk Blizzard.] When I saw the doctor, she said that she would write me a prescription for ear drops. There is was. The word drop was creeping into my cerebral cortex. As I was waiting for my prescription to be filled I came to realize that the word “drop” is indeed a multifarious and interesting word. The stock market dropping, dropping the ball or dropping dead are all negative events. Whereas dropping pounds on a diet, dropping the price on a real estate offer, or dropping the charges against you are all very positive events. If you think about it there are countless examples were the word drop can entice completely opposite feelings or emotions. Here is another interesting concept about the word drop. If you add drop to another word it can be a thing of beauty or something very ugly depending on each person’s individual range of experiences. For me, one of the most beautiful sights in nature is the sun reflecting off a dewdrop on a spider web.[ Provided the spider is nowhere to be seen.] There are times when a raindrop is a thing of sparkling beauty and other times when it is a disaster in the making. How about a teardrop? Happy tears are gleaming with joy yet sad tears burn red streaks down your cheeks. Mouse droppings in your bread box are bad news and horse droppings are stinky and disgusting. On the other hand, Unicorn droppings could be colorful and smell like cotton candy.
Then my named was dropped that my prescription was ready. As the lab technician handed over my tiny bag containing the ear drops she said my total was $59.77. I had to inform her that I had prescription drug insurance. She had to inform me, that she knew that and my co- pay was still $59.77. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of ear drops these were. At over $195 total cost they must be liquid gold. It turned out that the ear drops were actually evil. The directions were to put 4 drops in each ear two times each day. First of all, the bottle was so small I question if there were even 8 drops in the bottle. Second, how does one put 4 drops into one’s own ear much less both ears? After missing my ear twice and having $50 worth of ear drops slide down my right check I successfully got one drop into my ear. The one drop in my ear felt like I poured half the ocean into my ear. There would be absolutely no way to tell if I successfully dropped another drop in my ear or not. And now what was I suppose to do? I had 1 drop in my right ear. I couldn’t turn my head to put any drops in the other ear without the only successful ear drop draining out of my right ear completely. I impatiently waited for a half hour to give the drop the chance to drain further into my ear. It never happened. After 2 episodes of Murder She Wrote I put a piece of cotton in my right ear and repeated the whole stupid attempt to get a drop in my left ear. After 3 hours I could hear nothing, I felt like my whole head was underwater, and I was so dizzy I couldn’t drive up to the Dairy Queen to get a medium French Silk Pie Blizzard. I ended up going back to the walk-in clinic. This doctor said to me, “Drop the ear drops. How good are you at spraying stuff up your nose?” I just dropped my head in shame.